Thursday, March 8, 2012
I never knew that in many ways i have been vulnerable in my life and have given in.All those things...i xplained to myself with the philosophy that certain things just happen...and came out as a hero...oops...heroine...having excercised the great theory of acceptance.
But now i realise...no theory was needed...coz all dese...so till date called the destined moments were brought into my life by my vulnerability.The very creative side of me...that cooks things up in no time....dat weaves thousand dreams in thousand mili-seconds s all the result of my vulnerability.However,bad i tried to be calculative while reigning my life...it alwaz went footloose...giving me millions of moments to cherish all my life.
I look back.Whenever i tried not to give in to this vulnerability...truly...as she says...i numbed not just one part of me...bt in parts all the parts of mine...technically numbing whole of me.
Be it work,lif,love,parenthood...js nethin and evrything...its really tough to be deliberately vulnerable.But once you make it...u realise the inner self is so built that...a deep sense of worthiness surfaces.
Yes...when i get back to sleep...best time to ponder over these...seemingly senseless things...i figure out that...being vulnerable to my life...i have made it worth living...i have worked hard..even when i was nevr a hard-worker....i have been blind to pave a way to see a better world...I have a deep sense of belongingness...gratitude...i acknowledge dat deep inside is worthy of being made more and more visible...and thats the key to lead a life with no regrets.Probably i have been doing this...nothing new...bt being able to figure out d SELF clearly...is blissful.
Better late than never...i have been able to clear a clutter accumulated in last few dez...to have again mustered the guts to trust my vulnerability...and go all out...Really feeling good :)
Thursday, June 24, 2010
2de my heart is plagued whem m concluding...d lump is beyond a price i can afford.firm after so much of sulking...to relinquish ds desire of mine.
an event....so exacerbating...was it needed for ds realisation to come up???mayb yes.to curb a desire...so strong...d might needed obviously comes from no less dan such awful events.
trying to say...ds is it...n let it go by.tryin to adapt to feeling heavy...radr accept life d way way it is meant for me...instead of fighting to turn it around d way i want it for myself...so dat...dr is no mirror left to get shattered...evry now n den.but certainly heart gets crumbled...at d very thot of the silly things which leave my life devastated.and to my dismay...i m helpless.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
ppl hu say...dat de want to close deir eyes sooner...js to remain assurd dat 'al is wel' on earth js b4 his/her heavenly(may call hellish as wel) board...are not gr8 to hav such gr8 thoughts...as i ws mistakn myself.The real gutz and courage surfaces...or odr way round d real greatnes surfaces ...when once eyes can bear the sight of som loved one's closin eyes.its often easy to take a sigh n say "lif movs on". god forbid ne1 experiences it...bt only d ones movin can tel u...wat it takes to mov lif on.
all i sed wud hv nevr cm up so clear in my mind...unles i had met ds lady...in way so different from al my previous encountrs.a lady of divine
stature...strong conviction and immense love in her heart can only stride fearles...all alone...in d maze of human relations ...instead of choosin the path
of seekin eternal peace in d servic of d god,she unfailingly bows her head b4...every single day.Simply sm1 hu is livin n breathin for odrs.
strange enuf is d odr sid of d story...its awful to see ppl unable to feel the shakened trail of her commanding voice,d immense grief burried down ...undr d huge pile of worry for odrs welbeing,d selfless caretaker and wel wisher behind d strict disciplinarian,d tears of happines rollin down while thanking god at arrival of evry piece of gud news...b it big or small.instaed of inculcatin the qualities nided to lead a life vd dignity...her strugle to preserv her self respect ...its really disgusting to see ppl busy critising her being scornful.
This is wat is the irony of lif...which cud hv been so easy to live odrwis.leav such naiv narrow-minded ppl apart...atleast i feel myself fortunate enuf to hav kept myself abov these shallow thinkins...to hav been able to feel the positiv aura around ds wondrful lady...to cary al d respect in my heart dat she deservs...to hav been abl to reciprocate to som extent... d invaluabl love she has offrd.
ppl say ...its tough to find 'nic ppl' around,i say...one nids to b genuinly NICE to b abl to see such 'nic ppl' hu r alwaz around in abundanc :)
Sunday, April 4, 2010
RELATIONSHIP...m surrounded by many(d gud gracious god :) ).but wats creatin the storm is...y d 1 is so special.y is it diffrnt....letz c if i reach newhr......hw it al starts...amin at ds stag of lif..evrybdy has a blur picture of "d 1"...bt dat picture is result of wat al u cud jot down sensibly,logicly considerin d practicalities(nt considerin d 1s 4 hum its al a jok)...bt tk my words...ds life is so varied n mysterious...dat it vl show u next pag...whn u whr on d supposdly last 1.so dat picture is js a frame...n d real 1...u'l c...cudn't hv bn captured vd al its intricacies.its vibrant and at d same time sophisticated to the same degree...dat u'l feel evn a lif-tim is less to unstnd it 2 d finest pixel ;) i really don bliv in match-makin on ds earth s de r al mad in heaven :) n at d rit tim the rit chords r struk ...n evn d most skeptical creatures(lik me) are driven out of deir mind...n ppl say "they fall in luv"...bt here i mean they get int2 a new realtionship....dat is meant for a lifetime :) n maturedness n al doz hi-fi qualities nevr work to decide if the gem u found is real or it js dazzld ur eyes(a fake 1)...its ur "luck".wel i cl myself lucky :)
now gettin into relation is simpl...whn its js a "proposal" or a "yes"...bt implicitly it calls for bestowing ur faith unconditionally on "d 1".it really irritates me whn ppl criticise "luv is blind".bt actly wat i feel is..."d trust in luv is blind"...and its supposed 2 b lik dat.once entrusted d belief in trust has to b so firm that u cn walk as a blind...in cas u fall..dn dat ws nt a mistak in ur calculation...dat is smthin evn higher...called "destiny".nobdy's 2 b blamed.al dese mattrs nevr nid a long contemplation.d instincts r d guide.odrwis u may end up vd a deal(radr big deal :P ).wel my luv lif is guided by d sacred mantra " alwaz let ur luv wander free,if its urs it vl alwaz walk vd u....if d day comes u r alone,dn it ws nevr urs " :)
once caught in ds wonderland...beginnin crowns u d dashin prince or d beautiful princess.bt dese dez r nt long livd bcoz in d wondrland liv d witches and d monsters...don xpect n existent vamp on ds earth...its the evil in u.relationships are 'givin' till u don xpect.bt its hypocracy to say its possible to liv vd zero xpectation.so point takn...xpectations r inevitable.bt de burden only whn d bars r crossd.smtims it happens...knoingly v cross..confusing simpl wants(nt met) to serious obligations or say compulsions...forgettin dat al ds compelling only makes the thread fragile.how doz d confusion cm...wat i cud mak out is...a big mistak in weighin al d relations on d earth...specially d closest ones...i.e.vd d one...of our parents.v cn burden dm vd endless xpectations ...still miraculously de sim to fill al vd a shower of grace.hw cn u xpect anodr fellow(js anodr 1 lik u) to meet dem.ds realization is must dat...i cn nevr hv a relation vd my companion as i hv vd my parents...bt i cn strive to hv 1 as my parents have vd each odr :) p'haps dn only i cn liv happily evr aftr s de r...evn in d face of d most furious ordeals.
Only vd ds realization...1 cn think of nt falling in love...radr "GROWING IN LOVE".