pissed off..taking dese emotional juggernauts

for past few months...al my earnest efforts wr put into a single pursuit...to js feel buoyant.i kno...how long it took me to read btw d lines of a happy n contented life...n figure out d least i cud squeeze out for myself.it has been long,i hv been faking myself dat...ds feeling is such a meagre lump i want for myself...n can certainly hav ds vd a little more patience from my part.

2de my heart is plagued whem m concluding...d lump is beyond a price i can afford.firm after so much of sulking...to relinquish ds desire of mine.

an event....so exacerbating...was it needed for ds realisation to come up???mayb yes.to curb a desire...so strong...d might needed obviously comes from no less dan such awful events.

trying to say...ds is it...n let it go by.tryin to adapt to feeling heavy...radr accept life d way way it is meant for me...instead of fighting to turn it around d way i want it for myself...so dat...dr is no mirror left to get shattered...evry now n den.but certainly heart gets crumbled...at d very thot of the silly things which leave my life devastated.and to my dismay...i m helpless.

the adorable benevolence

ppl hu say...dat de want to close deir eyes sooner...js to remain assurd dat 'al is wel' on earth js b4 his/her heavenly(may call hellish as wel) board...are not gr8 to hav such gr8 thoughts...as i ws mistakn myself.The real gutz and courage surfaces...or odr way round d real greatnes surfaces ...when once eyes can bear the sight of som loved one's closin eyes.its often easy to take a sigh n say "lif movs on". god forbid ne1 experiences it...bt only d ones movin can tel u...wat it takes to mov lif on.

all i sed wud hv nevr cm up so clear in my mind...unles i had met ds lady...in way so different from al my previous encountrs.a lady of divine
stature...strong conviction and immense love in her heart can only stride fearles...all alone...in d maze of human relations ...instead of choosin the path
of seekin eternal peace in d servic of d god,she unfailingly bows her head b4...every single day.Simply sm1 hu is livin n breathin for odrs.

strange enuf is d odr sid of d story...its awful to see ppl unable to feel the shakened trail of her commanding voice,d immense grief burried down ...undr d huge pile of worry for odrs welbeing,d selfless caretaker and wel wisher behind d strict disciplinarian,d tears of happines rollin down while thanking god at arrival of evry piece of gud news...b it big or small.instaed of inculcatin the qualities nided to lead a life vd dignity...her strugle to preserv her self respect ...its really disgusting to see ppl busy critising her being scornful.

This is wat is the irony of lif...which cud hv been so easy to live odrwis.leav such naiv narrow-minded ppl apart...atleast i feel myself fortunate enuf to hav kept myself abov these shallow thinkins...to hav been able to feel the positiv aura around ds wondrful lady...to cary al d respect in my heart dat she deservs...to hav been abl to reciprocate to som extent... d invaluabl love she has offrd.

ppl say ...its tough to find 'nic ppl' around,i say...one nids to b genuinly NICE to b abl to see such 'nic ppl' hu r alwaz around in abundanc :)

Growing in Love....

Believe it or nt....ds is too early for me to get bak here.bt mayb i nided smthin to vent it out.wel ds ws supposd to cm up at least aftr 2 mor dez...amin on d vry special day 7th April :)....bt dunno...ds naive thought of 7th...drov me...radr my cute li'l heart crazy....n it took d reins of the brain....b4 i cud realize...my brain ws gallopin tryin to accomodate the fast,umanageable,never-ending train of thots.all my earnest efforts 2 calm it down went in vein...although mr.trivedi is still hoverin ovr my head-"dare u nt slip undr my nose 2moro" :P i cn hardly do nethin about it...bcoz ds drive is so bewitching dat it has dragged a sloth(at 4 in d mornin,hu odrwis wud hv preferd snorin) straight from d cozy sleep(thnx to my cooler) to sit bak n scribble on d notepad till.....
RELATIONSHIP...m surrounded by many(d gud gracious god :) ).but wats creatin the storm is...y d 1 is so special.y is it diffrnt....letz c if i reach newhr......hw it al starts...amin at ds stag of lif..evrybdy has a blur picture of "d 1"...bt dat picture is result of wat al u cud jot down sensibly,logicly considerin d practicalities(nt considerin d 1s 4 hum its al a jok)...bt tk my words...ds life is so varied n mysterious...dat it vl show u next pag...whn u whr on d supposdly last 1.so dat picture is js a frame...n d real 1...u'l c...cudn't hv bn captured vd al its intricacies.its vibrant and at d same time sophisticated to the same degree...dat u'l feel evn a lif-tim is less to unstnd it 2 d finest pixel ;) i really don bliv in match-makin on ds earth s de r al mad in heaven :) n at d rit tim the rit chords r struk ...n evn d most skeptical creatures(lik me) are driven out of deir mind...n ppl say "they fall in luv"...bt here i mean they get int2 a new realtionship....dat is meant for a lifetime :) n maturedness n al doz hi-fi qualities nevr work to decide if the gem u found is real or it js dazzld ur eyes(a fake 1)...its ur "luck".wel i cl myself lucky :)
now gettin into relation is simpl...whn its js a "proposal" or a "yes"...bt implicitly it calls for bestowing ur faith unconditionally on "d 1".it really irritates me whn ppl criticise "luv is blind".bt actly wat i feel is..."d trust in luv is blind"...and its supposed 2 b lik dat.once entrusted d belief in trust has to b so firm that u cn walk as a blind...in cas u fall..dn dat ws nt a mistak in ur calculation...dat is smthin evn higher...called "destiny".nobdy's 2 b blamed.al dese mattrs nevr nid a long contemplation.d instincts r d guide.odrwis u may end up vd a deal(radr big deal :P ).wel my luv lif is guided by d sacred mantra " alwaz let ur luv wander free,if its urs it vl alwaz walk vd u....if d day comes u r alone,dn it ws nevr urs " :)
once caught in ds wonderland...beginnin crowns u d dashin prince or d beautiful princess.bt dese dez r nt long livd bcoz in d wondrland liv d witches and d monsters...don xpect n existent vamp on ds earth...its the evil in u.relationships are 'givin' till u don xpect.bt its hypocracy to say its possible to liv vd zero xpectation.so point takn...xpectations r inevitable.bt de burden only whn d bars r crossd.smtims it happens...knoingly v cross..confusing simpl wants(nt met) to serious obligations or say compulsions...forgettin dat al ds compelling only makes the thread fragile.how doz d confusion cm...wat i cud mak out is...a big mistak in weighin al d relations on d earth...specially d closest ones...i.e.vd d one...of our parents.v cn burden dm vd endless xpectations ...still miraculously de sim to fill al vd a shower of grace.hw cn u xpect anodr fellow(js anodr 1 lik u) to meet dem.ds realization is must dat...i cn nevr hv a relation vd my companion as i hv vd my parents...bt i cn strive to hv 1 as my parents have vd each odr :) p'haps dn only i cn liv happily evr aftr s de r...evn in d face of d most furious ordeals.
Only vd ds realization...1 cn think of nt falling in love...radr "GROWING IN LOVE".

Straight from the heart....

if i sit bak to blog...n try 2 gt settld for 1 particular topic...dn my blog will definitely appear in my list -"10 things 2 do b4 i die".2de perhaps all d planets have aligned in d perfect positions to guide me to a perfect start....leaving behind all my pre-conceived notions about blogging....somehow it occurred to me y do i need to settle for it..n y not try to take a snap shot of the sub-conscious mind which is perpetually teeming with zillions of anticipation,speculation, theorization,rationalization, intuition, idealization, bla, bla n bla :P altough i kno very well...if they are the "golden snitch" dn m nt d harry...bt i can giv it a shot. and wat maks it mor interesting than quidditch is...there u need focus on smthin u cn c...but here u nid to focus to catch hold of 1 segmnt of the innumerable snitches...n dere it doz nt stop...bcoz here each snitch (thought) has a vry powerful power to drive u wayward in its intense concoction....often u end up wondrin-"whr did i start!!!!!"....whn ppl are busy vd career or if they feel so (lik i do)....dn ds flight vd the sub-conscious mind seems a mere wastage of the time(once gone nevr coms bak). but uknowinly v al tend to gt lost and js cant hlp spendin our precious tim...bt dats not the point...wat nids to b pondered ovr is...spendin tim in connectin vd the subconscious vill definitly increase the worth of ur being...rit now m tryin to do d sam (as tim n again i nid to bang on my head-"wat ws i supposd to writ" :P)....trust me...it givs u the wonderful feelin of sailin off the hook vd the waves :) .bt yes one thing is for sur...mindset can nevr b ovrlukd..bcoz...incase u r trapped in a negativ one...dn..u vl b drownd simply in d sea of broodin...perishin those vitalities of ur personality which hv surfaced only aftr yrs of true-blue nurturing.dn how to handle the negativ mindset itself...dr must b one and only one thing in d whole universe dat is of d highest priority in ur life...amin nt career n al stuff....it cn b d silliest thing bt yes priceless...n if u r askd 1 ques "u cn hv 1 thing for urselv n dat vl b d only thing u cn hv"....if u r abl to answer...dn js harp on it...bcoz ds is d goal.n u nid to striv for it...al d rest if its ur share...u'll hav.once u r convincd at ds point...u r in a position to go off the hook again...n speak ur heart to d subconscious mind(the true listener whose listenin empowers u to appreciate and accept even those things dat the conscious mind cannot).life dat had suddenly become ugly seems to blossom again....and feeling of greatfulness overwhelms u...now at this stage..evrything is in its rit place...so...free wheelin in d sub conscious arena vl atleast giv a chance to cherish doz precious(although vryyyyyyyyyyy small) moments dat may odrwis go unnoticed... :)...wel i suppos al i talk is nt senseless 2 its core ;)